Nobody Said It Was Easy

We dropped Braylon off for the last time this morning about 10 am. It seemed like there should be something more then just taking him like normal and dropping him off. I don't know if I expected the case worker to be there or some kind of passing the baton, but there wasn't.

I felt pretty excited about the whole thing until last night as he snuggled in my lap to read scriptures. "This is the last time" continued to blare through my head throughout the last couple of days. The last time tucking him into bed, the last kiss on his forehead, the last time he would ask if he could take a rest in the car, the last time I would prepare his cereal, the last prayer I would help him say, the last hug. 

What's funny is I was so excited for him to go home for so long. Not just because he wanted to go but because I selfishly had already planned out how Asher would fit into the nursery. I'm looking forward to the sweet future I'm hoping to have with the soon to be addition to my little family. I didn't anticipate how emotional this goodbye was going to be.

I had the car packed Friday evening with the last of Braylon's things. I didn't want to forget anything. It made it less chaotic this morning though so it ended up being a real blessing. We took a few last pictures and loaded ourselves up in the car. I was having a hard time keeping myself together.

It's that feeling you get on a roller coaster when your about to go over the highest point and you hurt in your gut because you can't do anything about it. It's freaking the heck out of you but your locked in for the ride. That how I felt. The only thing I can compare it to. 

Sure we'll keep in touch and sure I'm very happy for him and his parents. I think the hardest thing is not knowing what exactly will become of him, missing him and having to adjust my life again.

We thought about putting a little slide show of pictures together and may still do that, but  Kurt found this song and some of the words really hit me when I think of Braylon.  The pictures are of the last few days with Braylon. Some of my favorite days.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

-Cold Play, The Scientest

Looking at the monkeys at the Hogle Zoo

Hogle Zoo

I think he liked the statues more then the real animals :). He said he wanted to snuggle the bear.

This little ride made my day... His too

Braylon taking advantage of a fussy baby 

Sea Lions

After the zoo we went to Five Guys for a burger. I guess Braylon had never had peanuts before. He bit into the whole thing eating shell and all. Needless to say he didn't like it and didn't want any more. I couldn't stop laughing.

Having fun up the canyon "throwing Gooch in the water."

It's a good thing we left when we did because there wouldn't be any rocks left on the side of the river

Braylon wanted a shovel so he could help do yard work too

Shopping for our fire pit night goods. The little cart was better then the car cart.

Delicious to the taste....

Goodbyes before loading up in the car

The final drop off.

Dear Braylon, 
You are a special kid and I love you so much. May you be so happy throughout your life. That's all I really want for you anyway. 
Love you!