Patience is a Virtue

“I used to pray for my patience to grow. Then someone told me praying for patience is exactly what brings the tribulations we receive in life. God answers our prayers for patience by sending situations that demand it of us. I wasn’t sure I believed exactly that, but I did quit praying for patience!” (God’s Word Day Upon Day: Devotions for Every Season of Your Life)

Before my miscarriage Kurt and I decided (well mostly me) that on my 30th birthday if we still did not have children or weren’t pregnant we would begin the process of adoption. My new favorite number was 30 and I wasn’t afraid of it. I actually began to look forward to it. We had about a year to prepare and it still seemed like a distance away.

I had believed through experience that though many women have a miscarriage it is only a matter of a few months that they get pregnant again. I miscarried November 7th or 8th (not sure the exact time. I was on a plane in the middle of the night). Kurt and I knew this was a good sign and everyone kept telling me what a good sign that was. My sister and several sister’s in law have had miscarriages and it seemed to only take them a few months to announce to us all again that they were indeed pregnant and a baby would come.

We again played the waiting game. Each month I counted the days to my next period. I would play the “I must be pregnant” game because of some new pain or some slight change in my cycle only to feel some disappointment when the blood began to flow. I even went through a couple pregnancy tests. If there is anything I hate more than mushrooms and cooked spinach it’s this anxious wait each month for the unknown to reveal itself.

I turned 30 April 19th of 2011. Instead of filling out the adoption papers and moving on, Kurt felt like there was still hope to have our own children and encouraged me to see the doctor again. I was just glad to try something more. After all we were deemed normal as far as my ovulation, and there wasn’t anything blocking my tubes, didn’t seem to have endometriosis and Kurt’s sperm count was “normal.” Why should two extremely normal and apparently fertile people have such a hard time at fertilizing an egg?

Kurt and me at my 30th birthday Murder Mystery

I didn’t want to see my doctor again. He made me feel like there was nothing more he could do so I called the fertility center in American Fork. They referred me to another OB/GYN in Murray to try Clomid and Artificial Insemination.

I didn’t know what AI was but clomid I had heard of. It was the drug my previous doctor had said I could try but said he didn’t think would help too much. I’m a pretty trusting person and if someone has an opinion where I don’t, I’ll usually take their word for it.

The next day I received a call from Doctor Terry’s office. I was feeling super excited as the nurse talked me through everything and recorded my information. I was super excited until she said I couldn’t see the doctor until the end of July! I would have to wait 3 months to see this new guy. I was pretty tempted to run back to my old doctor and ask him to do the new procedures I had just found out about. I decided to heed the fertility doctor’s advice and wait to see this “more aggressive” OB/GYN.

I had plenty to worry about and try to set my mind to: Girls camp, work, youth conference. What would 3 more months be to the 5 years I had already been waiting? This whole ordeal was teaching me something I never thought I would learn and still don’t think I have fully grasped, Patience.