AI Take One

Master, with anguish of spirit

I bow in my grief today.

The depths of my sad heart are troubled.

Oh, waken and save, I pray!

Torrents of sin and of anguish

Sweep o’er my sinking soul,

And I perish! I perish! dear Master.

Oh, hasten and take control!

-Master, the Tempest Is Raging

The day finally arrived for me to see Dr. Terry. I was eager for him to right my wrong, to fix the problem, to get me pregnant (through Kurt of course). Two hours after our scheduled appointment he finished delivering a baby and met with us in his office. After going over our previous records and asking the usual questions, 

• Are your periods regular?
• Do you have any ongoing or reoccurring pains?
• Have you done the HSG test?
• Did you have your blood taken to check your ovulation?
• Have you done a semen analysis?
• Did it come out normal?,

 he said we seemed normal and he wasn’t sure why we weren’t getting pregnant but gave us our next four month plan which would be 4 tries of Artificial Insemination. The first two would be “natural” and the last two (if we got that far) would be with Clomid. We would start after my next period and I would follow my ovulation days with an over the counter serge kit.

Here’s how it works- I find my two most fertile days of ovulation using the serge kit. As soon as I serge (or ovulate) I call the nurse and they schedule me to come in the next day usually within 24 hours from the time I tested. Kurt gives me a sample of his spermies and I take it in to be “spun” for 30 mins and dowsed with some liquid and then they use a catheter to squirt it all out at the top of my uterus. I then lay there for 10-15 mins and then go home to try and act “normal.” The whole procedure cost a whapping $230, a little bit of pain and some of Kurt’s pride (squirting in a cup on demand is not natural or romantic and can take some coaxing).

August 18th we rushed in to attempt our first AI. We were hopeful and excited. The doctor and nurse praised Superman Kurt for his sample and said everything was perfect. This was going to work! I tried to do a few things differently this time. I told the family when we were going in hopes that their prayers would help. I had been told by my bishop only a month before that now that I was released from the YWs I should give my sacrifice back to the Lord and receive the desire of my heart. Although I felt strange asking for more when I’d already been so blessed through my calling I tried it out. Everything was pointing to success.

Never in my life have I been as hurt or in so much emotional pain as I was when I found out the unexpected news. September 1^st I was at work when the pink started to show. I emailed Kurt that it didn’t work and then emailed my family the news. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. I didn’t want them to tell me how sorry they are and that it’ll happen someday. It didn’t work and I was wishing less people knew about the whole thing. Even my misscarriage seemed easier to take than this. What was I doing wrong? Why wasn’t I getting the desire of my heart? Staying at work was tough enough and all I got from Kurt was a pleading for me to go to 7 Peaks water park in Salt Lake that evening. I didn’t think I could go at a time like this.

 www.motifake.com demotivational posters

 When I got home I’m sure I yelled a few words of frustration. I’m sure Kurt was surprised at how upset I was. Google Chat doesn’t always share the feelings that accompany the words. I begrudgingly went in to the closet to change into my swimsuit. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I sat down and started to cry. All I wanted at that very moment was to hide in a corner and cover myself up with clothes and bawl my eyes out. I felt alone but I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I sat there for several minutes eyeing the corner of my closet before I forced myself to stop crying and get moving.

I see now that 7 Peaks was another miracle in my life. Who would have thought a water park could heal the wounded soul. I’m so glad Kurt pushed me to go. Some how he felt it would be good for me to get the bad off my mind, and he knows twisty, curvy slides always put a smile on my face. Life is good.

I know the Savior heals more than just broken bones and blind eyes. He heals pain that cannot be seen. He comforts the weary and strengthens the weak. He carries us when we are heavy laden. We just have to be willing to accept and see it. All too often he works through other people, just as he saved my sad heart that day through Kurt.

On to round two with just a little more caution…