It's Been A While (Part 1)

I guess an answer that is right at one moment of your life can quickly change at another. Kurt and I began toying with the idea of IVF again. It was mostly watching the tears fall from our son's eyes each time his cousins or a friend needed to go, but a gentle nudge from Kurt's mom didn't hurt either. She still really worries about and cares for her kids. We looked at our finances again and decided that if we were going to really ever look into this option now would be the time. Not because of money (though we had been saving in our HSA) but because of my age.
Maybe it's me giving up, but in the back of my mind I continued to think it wasn't going to work, however I told Kurt it would be worth it to see what the doctors think and what options they would suggest.
Many many months ago I met a gal at the library whose son I taught in Itty Bitty Ball. As we got to talking I found out that she was having her second set of twins through IVF. She urged me to see Dr. Peterson in SLC and somehow the name stuck with me. I did some small research and leaned heavier to the U of U fertility clinic. By the time we'd made that decision and called for an appointment however we were pushed back several months. He must be good to be so busy.

Fostering interruption!!!
After moving into our new home in September we quickly got everything in order and called in the state licensing gal to do a new home study. My plan was to have a child placed in our home by the end of October and then hope and pray the next one we'd get to love and adopt would come soon there after but as we have already experienced, our timing is not always God's timing. A placement was never made. We continued to wait, call in to our RFC, and wait some more.
On the afternoon of December 22nd I answered a call from Asher's foster care case worker. She told me that two of Asher's younger birth siblings were now in foster care in Montana and as the case seemed to be going towards relinquishing parental rights, would Kurt and I be interested in having the children (one boy and one girl) permanently placed with us. I said of course, but I'd need to talk with Kurt to be sure. She said she'd give the Montana people my number, would place us on "hold" from getting other placements, and wished us the best of luck. She seemed glad to hear that we were still so happy with Asher and were looking to adopt again.
Kurt actually made it home just as I was finishing up the call and we discussed the possibilities. Possibilities led to excitement, which Cautious Kurt always seems to tone down because no decision has been made. Then we got a call from Joe the placement coordinator and he gave us a bit more information. Then we were back to waiting. Nothing was going to happen during the holidays.

Back to Infertility
Finally our January 26th appointment arrived. What surprised us the most was that Dr. Peterson called us "virgins." Meaning we really hadn't done much up to that point. I had no idea what else we were supposed to be doing. He gave me some lab work that needed to be done immediately and told us to start taking CoQ10 supplements. Then he sent me with 3 prescriptions that I would fill depending on the results of my blood work.
The following day despite my dumb fear of needles, I headed to the hospital lab with Asher in tow. The nurse was awesome and got my vein with the first poke and Asher held my hand and kept me distracted. He was such a help.
For the first time in our history of infertility discovery we found out that, at least not any more, we are not normal after all. My thyroid was high, and my AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) was super low. Basically saying my egg count is equal to the average 44 year old woman. Not good if I'm looking at IVF where odds are better if they can grab lots of eggs at once.
Hooray for answers, right?! Actually it kinda stung a little bit. I know that Kurt loves me, infertile and all, but a piece of me sank, like I just realize I was wrong about something important. The fault word starting creeping in for a sec and it took a little bit of time to push it out. It's kinda funny because I remembered all those times I prayed to Heavenly Father to just let me start menopause or just stop having periods if I wasn't going to have any biological kids, and now my fertility self is at 44. Maybe He was just answering my prayers and hurrying the process along.