Unfit Parenting

May 16th 2013 was a much anticipated date that somehow crept up on me. I had received a subpoena to appear and testify at the May hearing, where the state would relinquish the rights of the Harrington parents, on March 26th, and that was the first time the reality really hit me that this little baby in my arms would most likely be mine. I had just under two months to look at the "commanded" reminder on my refrigerator.

Well the day came. I woke up early to dress and get ready and then woke the baby to dress and feed him. He was taking a long time eating so Kurt and I took the bottle with us. I was nervous. I knew I would be called up to testify. The state doesn't like to release parental rights unless an adoptive family is found; I would have to announce my plans to adopt the youngest of the Harrington bunch. I was more than willing to take on the task. That wasn't the problem. The problem was my terrible control of emotions.

The day before the hearing a lady from the Attorney General's office called to confirm that I would be to the courthouse in the morning and also prepared me with a few questions that might be asked. How would I be able to walk through a question like "What can you offer Jaren?" I warned her of my watery eye problem and she assured me that would not be a bad thing. I just love this beautiful little boy and my heart longs to keep him safe with me.

It all happened as I had supposed. I stood when called upon and began crying before even taking the oath. I found out pretty quickly that you're asked a lot less questions when everything asked is answered with long sobbing pauses. The judge soon took over to make her verdict to terminate the parental rights of Jaren's birth parents.

Afterwards, my oldest sister who was in attendance posted on Facebook, "I was stunned by the neglect of the 7 siblings (Asher was taken later on, soon after his birth) and quite affected by the scathing rebuke of the judge as she terminated their parental rights to their 8 children. Extremely sobering."

Rights were terminated! There was much rejoicing in my heart. I felt like my keeping Asher was almost solidified. There was talk of attorneys and which ones to call and what to do next. I couldn't wait to get home and start the adoption process. It felt like a dream.

I called a highly recommended attorney, Charisma Buck, as soon as I walked in the house. We talked on the phone for over an hour as she expertly walked me through the process, costs and anything else an attorney does. We were on our way to sending this roller coaster down a smooth track. The rest of the day was spent replaying the hearing in my mind, checking my email for the first of the adoption paperwork I would be receiving and kissing the baby I knew would soon be mine.

I don't know where I was or what I was doing but it suddenly hit me again, something I had heard just a year ago in one of my foster classes when talking about adoption, "A family is broken in order to build yours." Like a whirlwind I turned full circle and suddenly felt the pain and anguish two certain individuals must be feeling. They didn't attend the hearing but surely knew what was transpiring. Drugs can cause a loss of agency. You become a slave to the addiction. I do not doubt they love all 8 of their beautiful children. I do not doubt they hate the hell that has become their lives at such a time and I felt pity for them. I felt sorrow. I felt pain.

I hope to collect any and all information that I can about Asher's birth parents and "past" (he didn't really have much of a past life before arriving with us, but I want to help fill any voids in his soul that he may already have or that may grow as he does).

We've already filed for our adoption hearing and will hopefully have a date soon. Charisma has done this so much that I'm sure it'll be easy for us to just tag along. After our court hearing we can immediately take the paperwork to the temple to seal our little man to us. That's when it will be final for me. Then Kurt will be able to give him a baby blessing at church. Wow. I don't know if I'll have tears left after all that.

Just outside the court room. Both case workers Candice and Veronica, Misty (in white), Me, Asher and Kurt

My family has always been such a support to me. I'm so grateful they would come. Me, Mom, Delisa and Destinee

Can this be really happening? Best feeling and I know it's only gonna get better.