Mother's Day

Tomorrow thousands of mothers will be awakened to giggling children announcing breakfast in bed, others will receive handsome bouquets of flowers, while even more will open cards filled with tender words of gratitude and love. Sadly there will be some mothers who will go unrecognized at all, but I hope they are sustained in other ways.

May 12th, 2013 will commemorate the celebration of my first official Mother's Day. I am a foster mother after all. I'm delighted for the sheer meaning of the day, but oh how it has changed so much from one year to the next for me. Believe me Mother's Day can be the worst day of the year if you're struggling with infertility.

I'll be honest, in years past Mother's Day was never as hard for me as Father's Day. When Father's Day would come around I always wondered if it affected Kurt as much as it worked it's ugly fingers around my heart. Not only did his dad pass away when he was only 10 but he had no children to call him father. Things like that can be really hard so I went so far as to change the name of the day. Instead of celebrating my lack of being a mother I called it "Women's Day" then Kurt could still get me flowers or make breakfast or dote on me the entire day. Father's Day became... of course "Man's Day." I wanted a reason to celebrate Kurt without the "But I'm not a dad" comments.

I will admit Mother's Day would be a lot easier if it wasn't on a Sunday. Going to church makes the day almost unbearable if you have infertility issues.

Here is my old list of Mother's Day "daggers"
-The primary children stand and sing a song to their mothers during sacrament meeting (bawl my eyes out)
-Prayers thanking that "we can all be mothers"
-The sympathy comments or the lack there of (yeah I know... confusing)
-The agony coming back that I just want to be a MOM!!
-The "Why no me?" questions come out to haunt

I know there are a lot of wonderful women out there who ache for motherhood. To you women I thank you for being such an example to so many children that you love but aren't yours. Yours is a pain I have felt and I know that when tomorrow comes many of you will long for the day to end. Happy Woman's Day to you. Celebrate the gift of you. May you see your beautiful blessings and know that the Lord knows and loves you.

This post wouldn't be complete if I left out two important people. My MOMS :)
Sometimes in my selfishness I forget that Mother's Day really is a day to celebrate these two women, grandmas and any other motherly figures in your life who have given so much for me. My mother and my mother in law. I love them very much and am grateful to have such strong women to follow and learn from. I'm most grateful to my mom for giving me more of her looks then my dads. :)

I received a nice text from a neighbor the other day- "Since I just can't shake the thought I know I need to share it with you! Yesterday passing you with your sweet baby I was completely overcome with emotion!! Your face was bright with joy and I am SO blessed to have seen it too!!! Happy (early) Mothers Day!!"

I'm relishing every moment with this beautiful little boy and any title will suit me just fine if I know I get to have him.