Divine Signatures

Two Christmases ago I received a book called Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald Lund. Honestly I wasn't thrilled about the book at first. I'm a slow reader and there were quite a few books already in my library that I hadn't gotten around to reading.

I decided for my New Year's resolution I was going to start reading some of these "church" books I kept putting on the back burner. So to start me off ... Divine Signatures. I loved the read and felt very much that Lund was expressing things the Lord wanted me to hear to help me through my own life trials. "Some times, the Lord sends His blessings in such a highly unusual, dramatic, or precisely timed manner, that it might be likened to a 'divine signature.' It is as though the Lord 'signs' the blessing personally so that we will know with certainty that it comes from Him. In doing so, God not only gives us the blessing, but at the same time He strengthens our faith and deepens our testimony of Him."

I remember all too well the day Kurt came home one afternoon after being let go in the rounds of layoffs Ivory Homes was making during the big economic bust mid December of 2007. I had only recently taken a full time position with American Fork Recreation. The pay was good and I felt like I had hit my career goal. Kurt on the other hand was swinging on the other side of the pendulum and it took him a little bit to get back on his feet. It was hard for him getting let go and he worried about how he was going to be the provider again.

He looked for openings with other home builders but to no avail. Everyone was on a downward spiral and nobody was looking to hire. So Kurt opened his own residential contracting company April of 2008. Things were hard those first two years getting his company started and there were times we wondered how we would pay our mortgage. The Lord always seemed to bless us just at the right time with another job and we never had a late payment on any of our bills.

Struggling financially caused stress on our relationship for a good year or so but we pulled through. I tried to be more supportive and Kurt helped more with dinners and house cleaning. We had weekly budgeting meetings and miraculously pressed forward hand in hand. Financial pressures may have slowed the charge for having children but the desire was always there. In fact the longer we went without the more I pushed to find a solution.

Kurt just wanted us to be wise with our limited funds and never felt completely ready to take on the the role of provider himself. He just couldn't see how we could adopt a child, have me quit my job and still make it financially. I'm not going to lie. I would really push Kurt to go to the adoption orientations or talk about infertility procedures, but when he would remind me of our financial situation I sometimes left the room angry just to find my closet or pillow and cry. Almost every single Fast Sunday you could bet I was fasting and praying for more jobs for Kurt and a pregnancy for me.

Kurt's company began to prosper a little more although he still didn't feel sure he could carry the financial load 100% on his own. I had been told in my patriarchal blessing that I would "provide for my family as the case or need may be." I read the line over and over searching for the end and the only thing I had was the promise in the same blessing that "my family would be the joy of my life" and "I would be the mother in the home." So I was required to wait then. Oh but for how long?

When Kurt spoke to a friend in our neighborhood March of 2012 about our infertile situation he suggested fostering. He told Kurt about the benefits of adopting through foster care and gave example of some people he knew. Kurt came home and we discussed and discussed this option. Kurt was really considering the option and I was sold when he said anything about kids in our home.

We started on the process. It just all fell together so quickly. It felt good. It felt right. Our main reason at first was the money. We figured any little bit that a foster child could bring in was helpful and I could hopefully quit my job or at least go part time. I began praying that the Lord would only bring children in to our home that needed to be there. I didn't know if I would have enough time to pray about each opportunity and knew I would probably just say yes to them all.

Braylon came in November. It was hard to juggle both our jobs, even with me going part-time, and still try and keep one of us at home to play mom. By January we were starting to reevaluate our fostering idea. We determined to "take a break" for the summer and then start back up in August. He was fun but the whole process was drama and we didn't know if we wanted that life style for too long.

"Ring!!"  Yep "take a break" was going to have to wait as we welcomed Jaren into our home on February 8th. I fell in love with him immediately, and felt somehow he would be mine. I didn't know this but late one evening at the end of March, Kurt, feeling like I should quit to take care of these kids, and feeling that he should be a better provider, got on the Ivory Homes website and saw that they were hiring. He asked me about it the next day and said he felt like he should apply. The notice had been on the web since the beginning of the month and I wasn't sure if they'd already found their man or not but the security of a regular income was tempting.

Kurt applied and within two weeks had accepted the position as superintendent. I was going to now quit my job completely and stay home with my favorite little man, Asher (Jaren). It was at that moment that I realized the Lord had just signed a miracle in my life. A major Divine Signature was just wrapping up and I had missed all the clues. For 5 years Kurt and I, both with righteous desires (him to provide and me to be a mom), had waited for an answer to our relentless prayers, not knowing that all the while He was doing exactly that.

Asher was meant to be our son. I know that now because I feel that our trials financially and our not having children lead us to the decision to foster. We would never have come here if Kurt had kept his job throughout the whole process or if we had been getting pregnant on our own. We would most certainly have adopted. The Lord knew all of this 7 years ago when this whole marriage thing started. He knew all of this 20 years ago when Kurt received his patriarchal blessing: "I bless you that you might have sufficient for your needs and that you might have friends who will reach out to you.  You will recognize those friends and accept of their help and return on bended knee and express gratitude to your Father in Heaven for those things you receive from others." We were so grateful for the many ward members and friends who reached out to Kurt to help get his business up and running, and also hired him to tackle their projects, which allowed us stay to afloat.

Now as I look into the eyes of the most beautiful and precious little baby boy, I can't help but thank my Heavenly Father for answering all of the prayers I pleaded with him. That Kurt would be able to provide. That I would get to be a mother in the home. That I would know that whatever child came in to my home was supposed to be mine. And that my Heavenly Father knows who I am, is listening and loves me.