The Big D

Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.  – Spencer W Kimball

   

I’m amazed at how many people are going through the Big D, divorce, these days. The shocking ones are the couples you think you know that seem to be doing just fine. This has been a subject that’s been creeping in and out of my mind so much the last year or so. It hurts me to see families torn and injuried . Why does it happen? Can it be prevented? I am a pretty impressive gal but I’ll be the first to admit I’m no shrink that knows all or can solve all problems. I still have my share of disagreements, and Kurt knows I'm about as patient as a baby.

So why get a divorce? What’s so bad that you’re splitting? 

 Can it be Prevented?

 In college I came across an article that caught my attention in the Ensign. I usually just looked at the pictures and scanned the magazine but for some reason I decide to read this article. It talked about a group of women that got together each week to do craft projects and they complained about their husbands but praised this one lady’s husband. One week that lady brought her daughter along and the same subject came up. As they were leaving the girl asked her mom why they thought her dad was so great when he did many of the same things. The mom simply said something like “I don’t complain about the things your father does, so they think he is perfect.” Wow, that hit me hard. I wanted to be the same kind of wife. I wanted everyone to praise me for being smart enough to marry the best kind of man (selfish but in a good way, right?).Kurt and I have talked a lot about this and decided to try and only publicly say the positive things about each other and avoid saying anything that might be embarrassing or hurtful. If I wouldn’t want to tell him that I told our friends I know it’s something I better not say. 

• Focus on the Positive! Sure there are weird things Kurt does that I can’t stand some times, but he’s patient, he’s smart, he’s handy, he gives the best hugs, and he cooks a mean crepe. Your spouse is a reflection of you. If they look great you look better too.
• Talk to each other! Kurt and I talk about everything. Why you “made” me mad, what I’m reading about, who’s winning the ball game, how we want to raise our kids, how to decorate the house, when and where we want to go vacationing, what to eat, budgeting, I love yous, blogging, EVERYTHING!

 As Kurt and I have gotten older our interests have changed. We don’t go dancing as much as I would like, but we don’t go skiing as much as Kurt would probably like. We have to remember two people are coming together from different backgrounds and are constantly changing. I started going fly fishing with Kurt because I wanted to be with him. Now I’ve learned to enjoy it. He’s not much of a roller blader but will bike next to me if I want to go. Kurt even goes shopping for clothes or fabric with me. No forcing necessary. We just enjoy each other’s company which makes any activity fun.

•  Share your interests! Learn to enjoy and celebrate the talents of your spouse and share your talents as well. Learn new things together, laugh together

 My inspired bishop once asked “how can a couple expect the Lord to bless their marriage when they are not doing the things the Lord has asked us to do as a family?” Sometimes the choices of a spouse are out of our control but if together as a couple we are doing the little things we can expect a strong happy marriage. Kurt and I banned the word “divorce” from our vocabulary from the get go. Even the threat can get the mind going.

• Follow the Lord’s guide for marriage! Family Home Evening, scripture study, family prayer, family dinners, attending the temple 

With so much danger on the family these days I have a determination to beat Satan at his game. We’re not perfect at this but in the life of Kurt and Des I can say we’re having fun. I love you Kurteous Maximous!