After my first AI attempt I decided secrecy was the less painful way to go. Well not total secrecy.
I once had a visiting teaching companion that was recently divorced. As we were visiting one of the ladies on our route she talked about how hard it was to be in her previous ward. Instead of just asking her the questions they had about her situation she felt that many whispered about it behind her back. I’ve thought a lot about that and became more determined to ask questions rather than speculate. That meant I would accept questions from others also. If the question was sincere so should be my answer. Besides my family is pretty open about anything and everything; we love to talk about ourselves.
So when neighbors or family asked me how everything was going I would answer, but didn’t love telling the exact dates of my period. I guess the “secrecy” was more a lack of a public announcement.
My second round of AI didn’t go so well. I was really bloody the day I went in and the on call doctor almost didn’t go through with it. I was less hopeful and not as disappointed when I found out it didn’t work.
My fourth round of AI landed on a weekend. It just so happened to be on a Fast Sunday that we would need to get in to do the procedure. I thought it was a sign maybe, and the perfect opportunity for the Lord to bless our fast. Although we were hopeful this time would work, I didn’t allow myself to get too excited about it. Kurt started to say “I’ll think you’re pregnant when the pregnancy result says you are.” I tried not to talk about it as much this time. I was emotionless when I started my period.
I’m really not sure what our next move will be. Adoption is edging ever closer, but somehow having your own children just seems so much easier. If you just get pregnant it seems easy to deal with any financial struggles you may have because you feel like the Lord wants you to have them at that time. I wish I could get over my biased time schedule and see what the Lord has planned out for me. I keep reminding myself that I have to experience the sorrow to really understand the joy.
3 comments:
If adoption is in your future you'll know when it's time. The little spirit who needs to come into your home will get here one way or the other. It took us a long time to decide to adopt but that was because it was Adam who needed to come to us - so it needed to happen on his terms! And there has never been a regret or the feeling that he is any less my child because his way of getting to our family was different than the girls.
i agree Aunt Wendy. Kurt's not quite ready for Adoption but we've been talking so much about it. Half the adopted kids look more like their adopted parents than bio. kids look like their real parents.
Almost a sign that is where that child really needed to end up.
Des, you remind me of one of my best friends. She and her husband always wanted to have a large family but they had complications getting pregnant. They tried everything - multiple times with great expense to their emotional and financial state. Just over 8 years after they had been married, in between "treatments," they miraculously got pregnant! They don't know why it took so long but they never really felt that they were supposed to adopt, just to keep trying. Although they did start to fill out the adoption paperwork at the time they did get pregnant.
She has been such an example to me of love, strength and overall faith.
I believe Heavenly Father has a wonderful plan for all of us and he will guide and direct us to the path we are supposed to take. Sometimes we just have to hold on through the confusion and wait for the cloud to break and the light to shine through.
You are a beautiful person, your blessing will come.
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