Here We Go Again!

About 4 or 5 months ago Kurt and I began discussing whether or not we would like to eventually have a sibling for Asher. At that time with selling and moving from our home and trying to keep up with Asher I felt almost completely satisfied. Sure I wanted a sibling for Asher so he would have someone to grow up with, but for me personally I felt done, finished, couldn't ask for more. Life was wonderful and I didn't want to mess it up. I had everything on my wish list: hubby, place to live, gospel and Asher.
Not sure what it was but fostering continued to linger at the back of my mind. Maybe it was the 3 different phone calls during the summer asking if I would be fostering soon. I knew we would do it again especially since our only adoption route through LDS Family Services was ending, but I just wasn't sure when. I actually asked DCFS if we could put some kind of hold on our fostering license for a year until we could move out of my parents home (they're serving a mission in Alabama), but they said no. We got my parents home inspected and licensed and suddenly a mere desire to move forward crept in.
I was really holding off calling our RFC to let him know that we were ready. We had too many trips planned that I wanted to get through first. Then the upcoming potty training of Asher became the priority and I figured it'd be nice to wait until after that.
Last Saturday night at an adult session of stake conference we stood to sing "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" and the words "I'll be what you want me to be" stung my heart. The Lord wanted me to be a foster mom. I wasn't 100% ready to claim that title again but I wanted to BE what my Heavenly Father wanted of me. Matthew 16:25, For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it, was referenced more than 3 times during the session and I figured I needed to do my share of "dying" to find myself in the end. I prayed the Lord would loan me all the spiritual gifts I would need to be what He wants me to be.
Monday rolled around and I knew I would be calling in to proclaim our availability but I also knew that I would call and a child would be placed with me that same day. I have been dreaming about this day at night and random day dreams and I was always asked almost immediately to take a child that had just come up. I was nervous to make the actual call and avoided the deed until almost 1pm. Dan, our RFC, said he was glad to hear from me and did have a 1 year old and a 5 year old ready but since I'd only gotten approval for under 2 by the senior community HOA it didn't meet the criteria. (Side note, I still think about that first sibling group and hope it wasn't meant for my home). Dan said that he gets crazy so to call back from time to time to keep us fresh on his mind. I was relieved actually and figured maybe the Lord really was allowing me to finish potty training and me time. HA! Not 3 hours later Dan called back. Oh no! My gut always takes a dive when he calls. He said he had a 1 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. Both boys and there may be a chance that they could be adopted. They do have 3 teenage siblings they would try to foster in one home but couldn't get all five together.
Kurt was home so I frantically fanned him to listen in. He was a go. I reminded him that there were TWO, still a go. Ok. "Yes. No we don't need to take time to think more about it." Probably just freak myself out. I cried. It was mostly fear mixed with a cup of excitement and a dash of uncertainty. My life was about to change again. Why could I not relish the bits and pieces of joy I was so indulging or at least take it a little slower. I mean this is kinda scary. Guess I should go read Matthew 16:25 again.
As fate would have it we had already invited Mandy and Braylon (our first foster boy) over for dinner and Family Night. When the case worker came they were nice to have around for a bit. I loved having them included in our family night program as well. We were able to get a picture will all 4 of our foster/fostered children.

Mandy and Braylon doing so well. We are so proud of Mandy.

Braylon, Manny, me, Ray, Kurt and Asher

Wow is all I have to offer you moms of multiple children. I made it through my first day mostly alone and I finally truly understand why everyone is SO glad when Daddy comes home. It's not that the kids where hard I was just wiped out, grateful for two more hands. I love Daddy!
Ps: Thanks to a very thoughtful little sister that brought two candy bars and the happiest flower bouquet ever and for the 3 balloons, one for each of my kids. I know I probably scared you when I cried when I saw your offering but it really buoyed me up today.
Introducing Manny (2 1/2 yrs old) and Rayden (10 mths) to the never ending adventure at the Johnson home.

So cute when these two play together, but oh how they fight.