At Home Mom

It has been 5 weeks since I last worked for the American Fork Recreation Department. Just yesterday I was feeling like I needed to kick myself in gear and get to work again. It's a surreal experience to suddenly not wake up and drive to work each day, or to be accountable to someone when I've been working one and sometimes even two jobs since I was 15 years old. Sure I'm still working and I'm now even more accountable to two very important guys in my life (3 if you count Gooch and I think we should) and I do still have to wake up early. Shoot I'm on call every night, but this job brings on a whole new kind of fulfillment.

Me setting up for a golf tournament last year

Facebook is pretty big time stuff so when I changed my status from full-time Sports Coordinator to full-time Mommy it became official. Half of my mind no longer needed to worry about rain outs and coaches and umpires and staff and helicopter parents. I could focus all of me on Asher, yummy dinners and cleaning.
Shockingly it was harder to do than I thought. I found myself thinking I still needed to have my computer on the minute I woke up just to make sure no one had some fallout at games the night before. Luckily they got rid of my email or I'd still probably be checking it today.
I'll have to give myself a pat on the back though; I do think I'm a pretty good mommy. :) I mean Asher loves my guts! I must be doing something right. Kurt's enjoying my dinners since they aren't the 10 minute meals he was getting before and Gooch is starting to take a few more walks. I even got all of my windows cleaned this week. I am amazing.

I do have a few confessions to make though:
1. Before having kids it was easy to find the time to "deep" clean my house. Each week I still clean but I've noticed I'm getting behind. It didn't all happen at once; just slowly over time I've seemed to get behind in everything. Shoot, even when I do clean it doesn't stay noticeable for long.
2. I'm tired. When I had a full-time job outside of the house I tried to be in bed by 10:30 pm. I knew I was waking up early and needed the rest. When Asher was first placed with us I was going to bed around 8:30 or 9 just to get some sleep before the several feedings to follow, but recently I've slacked a bit. I am a light sleeper. Every noise sounds like a faint cry from the baby and I wake up just to find out it's the fan or Kurt snoring or that little whistle in my noise when I breath. It happens constantly and I'm lucky if I can even get in a nap without jumping up every 5 minutes thinking my baby's crying.
3. I have been less patient with Gooch and all the dang doorbell ringers during nap time. That's it. I'm putting up a sign.
4. I'm a little more needy from Kurt. I need him to notice what I've done at home. I need him to look at me and talk to me. I need him to love me. I need him to mow the lawn.
5. I'm not a germ a phoebe when it comes to fallen binkies or diseased kids. I almost side on the "don't care." Hopefully I don't destroy my child.
6. Sometimes I think one child is enough. Thinking about another one that I get to wake up at night with sounds exhausting.

Being a Stay At Home Mom really is the best job for me. There is so much joy and an unbelievable amount of love.* I love Asher. I love picking him up after his naps and having him smile jubilantly at me. I love his laugh. I love that he's learned to spit with his fingers in his mouth (not a huge fan of the slobber though). I love his loud squeals and burps. I love his two sharp little teeth and his fuzzy hair. I love how his whole face turns into the most beautifully, sweet smile. I love that he is returned to me when he fusses in the arms of someone else. I love how easily it is to put him to sleep and how long he sleeps now. I love dancing in the rain together. I love his chubby body that eats up every new flavor I supply. I love his every developmental milestone and rejoice that I can share each one with him. I love that in just two months he will be mine.

Being at home is the best job. It's not glamorous, it's the same routine day after day and can be exhausting but it's fulfilling and I'm so grateful I got hired for this position. It's definitely a step up from my last job and a huge blessing I know not everyone gets to accept.