First of Eight

It’s amazing how quickly a person’s perception of what is right or wrong can change.  For so many years I have heard complaints from myself or others about children being born to drug addicts or “trashy” people that can’t possibly be raised well in such circumstances.  Often I tend to label people in these categories because of the way they dress, talk or smell. Would I not be a better mom to these poor kids?

Foster Care Class #1

Foster classes should be a requirement for all people. I really didn’t know what I was getting into when we decided to take these classes, but my eyes have changed slightly. Foster care just seemed the right route to take for us in growing our family. Foster to adopt. That was the mind set.

Class #1 is called Foster Parent Orientation / Child Welfare Teams.  To start off we introduced our neighbor. I was surprised to hear so many reasons for taking the classes. Some just wanted to adopt only, others had children they knew that they wanted to adopt, some had grown up with foster kids in their home and some had been in foster care as children themselves, some wanted to add siblings to their family for their child and others were thinking of foster to adopt.

We watched a movie about a Native American boy from a tribe in Canada. His journey through foster care was horrific and eventually led him to take his own life at only 17 years old. While many of the things have changed since his story 30 years ago, one thing remains the same these kids want family, love and a home.

In my head I’m sure a couple times I told myself how much good I could do for these kids. How lucky they would be to come and stay with Kurt and me. Foster to adopt still rang true.

As the class went on we talked about the real goal of foster care: To reunite families. I learned that as a foster parent I would attend team meetings with the birth parent/s and do whatever I could to help them regain the rights to their children. Team meetings would include Social Service Agent, foster parent, birth parent, doctors, therapists, child advocates, lawyers and anyone else that could help discuss the needs of the child. That is a lot of people concerned about what happens to one family. Reunification after all is the goal. But why? These parents have neglected their children either from abuse or not giving them an essential need like food. Why would I want to help someone I don’t even feel “deserves” kids in the first place, resolve their problems and keep them?

Elisabeth Louise Vigée-Lebrun, Madame Vigée-Lebrun et sa fille, by Louise Élisabeth Vigée Le Brun, 1789

I don’t know how they do it, maybe it’s brainwashing, but gradually compassion crept in. After how determined I am to keep Satan from destroying mine, how can I be so selfish to hope that another family crumbles just so my own will grow?  Suddenly I could picture myself working with the birth parent and encouraging them to be the parent their child needs and wants. I could almost taste the joy that would surely come from helping to save a family.

As we left the class both Kurt and I felt a resolve to work towards reunification. We knew we could do it and marveled at the change that had occurred in us. In the chance we are given the opportunity to adopt… well I’m sure we’d be more than willing to accept that blessing too.